Original Kleptonian Neo-American Church

Principles of Interior Decoration for Neo-Americans

To believe at the same time that one’s circumstances are one’s soul and to spend most of one’s time in a home littered with trash, covered with dust, crawling with vermin and smelling of rotting garbage, unwashed garments and dog shit, without drawing the obvious conclusion and taking immediate steps to correct the situation, is entirely inconsistent with a genuine Neo-American outlook on life.

Likewise, no Neo-American should be content to allow any mechanical or electronic device in his possession to remain in any condition other than peak operating efficiency if there is anything he can possibly do to repair or improve it.

Neo-American attitudes and habits in housekeeping and worksmanship should be Calvinistic, although our motives in taking great pains to do things right are not based on supernaturalistic commands. A high degree of cleanliness, decorative beauty and organizational efficiency in the household is, for us, a metaphysical necessity.

The nature and quality of the psychedelic experience should determine the style of home decoration. Colors should be bright; forms, however intricate, sharply and cleanly defined; plants, flowers and pictures profusely distributed.

Any object likely to be a “downer” on a trip should be ruthlessly eliminated. Anything likely to break or malfunction if casually handled should be fixed. There should be a place for everything, and everything should be in its place. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Neatness counts. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Measure twice and cut once. Waste not, want not. A stitch in time saves nine. Every mop is a magic wand. Furniture polish and paint are magical salves which transform the theatre of the mind from low and dismal tragedy to high and happy farce. The brooms, mops, soaps, polishes, paint, brushes, sponges, rags, and collection of tools should be regarded by the Neo-American with a solicitude bordering on veneration for these are the thaumaturgical means by which he can transport himself from lower to higher realms. The broom closet and the tool bench should be the “shrine areas” of every Neo-American home. Good things happen in nice places.

The myth of the witch on her broomstick has a foundation in fact!

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Principles of Interior Decoration for Neo-Americans
Art Kleps
June 1, 1975
North Troy, VT