Original Kleptonian Neo-American Church


All members of the Original Kleptonian Neo-American Church subscribe to the following three principles:

  1. The psychedelic substances, such as cannabis and LSD, are religious sacraments since their ingestion encourages Enlightenment, which is the recognition that life is a dream and the externality of relations an illusion (solipsistic nihilism).
  2. The use of the psychedelic sacraments is a basic human right and all interference therewith is an assault on this right.
  3. We do not encourage the ingestion of the greater sacraments such as LSD and mescaline by those who are unprepared and we define preparedness as familiarity with the lesser sacraments such as cannabis and nitrous oxide and with solipsist-nihilist epistemological reasoning based on such models as David Hume, Sextus Empiricus and Nagarjuna.

If you would like to join the Church, fill out the membership application and send it to membership “at” okneoac.org or OKNeoAC at 117 E. Louisa St. #384, Seattle, WA 98102. For more information, contact inquiries “at” okneoac.org.

Board of Toads

H.H. Joan, Chief Bee Hee
117 E. Louisa St. #384, Seattle, WA 98102

Sahib Kevin Sanford, Boo Hoo General of Texas
Box 3473, Austin, TX 78764

His Eminence Robert Funk, Archon of Alaska
Box 2191, Petersburg, AK 99833

St. Philippe de Mozambique, Boo Hoo General of the Missionary Congregation
Box 2127, Redway, CA 95560

Note to new members

You are now in a position to contact other members as a presumably like-minded person, but remember that you are not a customer and the OKNeoAC is not a business. Nor is this a club. It’s a religious allegiance association. We expect loyalty. Your experience with other organizations is of no value here. Membership in any other religious organization, including the Masonic Order, Alcoholics Anonymous, and the Church of Universal Life means automatic excommunication. We expect some kind of donation, however modest, twice a year. (Yes, it’s the thought that counts.) If you can’t be bothered, we won’t try to find you and will probably delete your records. If you can’t do things our way or prefer not to, don’t expect the OKNeoAC to change its ways to suit your preferences or circumstances.

Protocol and etiquette

The following rules are observed by all members of the Church:

  • The chief bee hee is always addressed as “your highness,” or “ma’am” or “chief,” and referred to by using other forms of the same terms.
  • The late chief boo hoo is always referred to as “his highness” or “chief.”
  • Only members of the board of toads may telephone or visit the Hoo without an invitation.
  • Failure to observe these conventions is an insult to those who do observe them.
  • We regard the observance of these conventions by non-members as a polite gesture and nothing more.